The way it is

I'm going to vent a bit. I love the patients I take care of and am proud of my profession. I've gone to a lot of schooling and have done this for a long time. But, it is not my fault that your 24 week gestation baby is having all the problems we said it would likely have. It is not the fault of the amazing doctors and nurses I work with either. When we gave you the poor prognosis prior to delivery we were very candid with you. We were not trying to be mean but very honest. You wanted everything done so that is what we did. Maybe we shouldn't shield you from what everything is and should let you see the torture we put your cherub through. Everything is everything. You wanted a miracle and thought your child would be it. I've had to learn in life that sometimes things happen that we will never understand this side of eternity. I'm sorry your child is ill and not doing as you had hoped and prayed. I can understand more than you would ever know how hard it is to not understand and want to so badly why things are the way they are but I cannot change your circumstance as you cannot change mine. We are all dealt a hand in life and with God's strength have to make the best of it or even more than that. I know the anger you feel and the frustration. The life of a child is so precious and as I venture into this new role as a nurse practitioner I'm faced more and more everyday with the ethical dilemma of a parent wanting everything done and what is ultimately better for the child. I see the "everything" every day at work and it isn't fun and games. Your child suffers and in some cases suffers for an outcome that will be the same, only delayed, or worse than you imagined because of our intervention. We aren't God but merely His hands and I have to wonder sometimes if what we do is over the top. Should every child be saved. I have to say NO! A thousand times over NO!!!! Grief hurts and attacks us in so many ways. I understand your grief but sometimes it is time to let go and let the pain end and the healing begin.

Sophie