The way it is

I'm going to vent a bit. I love the patients I take care of and am proud of my profession. I've gone to a lot of schooling and have done this for a long time. But, it is not my fault that your 24 week gestation baby is having all the problems we said it would likely have. It is not the fault of the amazing doctors and nurses I work with either. When we gave you the poor prognosis prior to delivery we were very candid with you. We were not trying to be mean but very honest. You wanted everything done so that is what we did. Maybe we shouldn't shield you from what everything is and should let you see the torture we put your cherub through. Everything is everything. You wanted a miracle and thought your child would be it. I've had to learn in life that sometimes things happen that we will never understand this side of eternity. I'm sorry your child is ill and not doing as you had hoped and prayed. I can understand more than you would ever know how hard it is to not understand and want to so badly why things are the way they are but I cannot change your circumstance as you cannot change mine. We are all dealt a hand in life and with God's strength have to make the best of it or even more than that. I know the anger you feel and the frustration. The life of a child is so precious and as I venture into this new role as a nurse practitioner I'm faced more and more everyday with the ethical dilemma of a parent wanting everything done and what is ultimately better for the child. I see the "everything" every day at work and it isn't fun and games. Your child suffers and in some cases suffers for an outcome that will be the same, only delayed, or worse than you imagined because of our intervention. We aren't God but merely His hands and I have to wonder sometimes if what we do is over the top. Should every child be saved. I have to say NO! A thousand times over NO!!!! Grief hurts and attacks us in so many ways. I understand your grief but sometimes it is time to let go and let the pain end and the healing begin.

Sophie

The Kid Code!

I know I need to post some pics and will do so soon but I had to share a funny story with you all. I'm sure we all remember the "Jinks" game where you call jinks on someone if you say the same thing at the same time and then have to say their name 3 times to "unjinks" them. Well, I was driving and the girls were in the back seat, not fighting so I wasn't paying too much attention to them. All of the sudden Yellow Bird starts yelling at Sasha. I had to interject to find out what had ruined my nice peace and quiet. Yellow Bird proceeds to tell me that Sasha had kept her "in jinks" for what amounted to about 5 minutes. She was furious and swore revenge the next time she caught Sasha "in jinks". Yellow Bird wanted to know what I would do to Sasha as a punishment for keeping her in jinks for so long. I simply told her that she didn't have to stay "in jinks" if she didn't want to. She looked at me with the most baffled and shocked face. I had suggested that she do something horrible. There is the kid code and all. It seems that minding mom and dad are optional at times (with dire consequences I'll add) but that when someone places you "in jinks" you are at their mercy. The kid code cracks me up. Whoever calls it first, gets it. Do overs are a given. And when someone places you "in jinks", you are stuck and at their mercy. If only all of life were this simple.

Love,
Sophie

Just updating everyone

I've been super busy and will be glad when school is finally done. I've had some exciting adventures though. I've been able to intubate, put central lines in and do lumbar punctures (LP). And, I have to brag that my LP was a champagne tap (0 red blood cells - very hard to obtain). The attending brought me a bottle of champagne.

We were also able to attend one of Craig Biggio's last games. He has retired and we will miss chanting BIGGIO at the games but 20 years is probably enough baseball playing for any one person. We had nose bleed seats for the game and thanks to the UPS Moving Team we were moved to field level - awesome seats. There were over 40,000 people there and we were picked to move. How awesome is that? I have pics of Leopold's face (you will see how it got us noted) and will post them soon. Just no time right now.

Well, I was just letting everyone know that we are alive and well. Two months and school is done. I cannot wait. It has been an adventure and at times down right trying but I'm almost done and in a humble way beginning to think that I just may be able to do this Neonatal Nurse Practitioner thing.

Love ya',
Sophie

Sasha's New Room

We don't have the best digital camera but here are some pics with the one we have. She has beads and a feather boa as a window treatment. Pretty cool!
OK, the bed isn't made but it is really cute when it is. She has a canopy over her bed with cool lights. Grampy built the bed and it is very high off the ground. You kind of need a running start to get onto it. We need to get her a step stool.


This is a bulletin board that has a zebra print background. But, her bulletin board is so full you can hardly see it. It does have a hot pink feather boa around it. Note the cute animal print purse wallpaper border that pulled it all together.


Here is the window seat her dad built and painted. I made the seat cushion but it needs some flattening.

This is really her old room but with a new twist. Her dad has worked very hard finishing it up this summer. She loves it and her friends think it is cool - what more could a kid ask for. When she told me she wanted a aqua leopard print room I could not for the life of me figure how that could be little girl. I think we worked it out. The website I found her comforter on had it displayed with red, silk sheets. It looked like something from a bachelor pad. I think we girled it up pretty good. The wallpaper border helped to pull the theme together.

Enjoy!

Sophie

It's HOT! Time for a lemonade stand

It is so hot right now. I have to say that we have had a pretty mild summer though. The kids and some friends decided to have an old fashion lemonade stand. I had a cup and it was pretty good. Cost me a quarter though. I have some tough business kids here.

Sophie

It is in the little things!

As I have said before, I've been super busy this summer. I haven't had time for too much other than school and work. My car was an absolute mess. I had spilled my coffee a couple of times and didn't have time to properly clean it up. I've been working nights and sleeping during the day. I woke up yesterday afternoon to go to work and as I go out to get into my car I see that it has been cleaned and detailed wonderfully. I'm talking all the cracks have been cleaned the seats, the carpet. Everything! It is in the little things that I can see how much my husband loves me. It is in him popping me popcorn (the old fashioned way), fixing me dinner and the way I see him look at me when he doesn't think I'm looking. Honey, I love you so much. Thank you for loving me like you do.

Sophie

Out of the mouth's of babes!

Yellow Bird is spending a lot of time with her dad this summer. He is off from school and being Mr. Mom and I've been busy working and going to clinicals for school. I hadn't had a day off in 11 days when I came home from clinicals one evening. Dad informed me that Yellow Bird told him that she didn't want to be a daddy because daddy's have to know too much. She said that mommy's just get to sit around and give orders. Now in my defense I've been overwhelmingly busy but I guess that has been out of her eyesight. I come home from work or clinicals exhausted and my darling husband brings me dinner on the couch where I have collapsed. So, Yellow Bird, mommys do more than give orders. But, I do have a wonderful husband that will take care of me when I'm so wiped out and tired. He will bring me something to drink and pop me popcorn when I'm exhausted. So, I'm glad she knows that mommys don't have to do all the work around the house and that the daddy does a lot too. She has such a wonderful daddy and I have such a wonderful husband.

Sophie

The top 10 reasons to play T-ball

10. The ball doesn't come flying at you but is instead placed nicely on a tee that you can whack and still send the ball flying.

9. There is always time for a little girl talk.

8. Waiting patiently for the ball to be hit and then running to it no matter where it is hit on the field.

7. Running with all your gusto from base to base.

6. Conference time with dad.

5. Getting swung around by dad.

4. There is always time to stop and pick the flowers.

3. No one complains if you just take a break and plop down on the field.

2. Pony tails flapping in the breeze as you run, of course with a matching hairband.

1. And the #1 reason for playing T-ball...is just looking plain cute in the uniform.

I found these pictures of Yellow Bird when she was 4 and playing T-ball. So much of the fun of T-ball is the comedy show it provides for the parents. I just can't believe how big she is getting.

Wedding Pics from T & K's Big Day

The bride and groom. It was a beautiful day.

My Granny got up and did a few steps with my dad. This was quite an ordeal for her to do. Go Granny.

Mom and Dad even hit the dance floor. Not bad for a couple of old Southern Baptist.

Me and my girls.

Well, I didn't marry him for his dancing abilities but for the qualities he has that makes him want to get out there with his girls and cut a rug. Love you honey!

Sasha will be going to Europe very soon.

Sasha is 11 and will be traveling to Europe with the People to People Student Ambassador program for 2 weeks. I'm getting a tad nervous but it is a great opportunity for her. Here she is at her pinning with one of the teachers that will be taking the trip with her. She has learned about the culture and is even taking French. Please pray for safe travel and for a wonderful experience.

Sophie

Another 'Stros game

We were able to go to another Astros game. It was a lot of fun but the final score was not good for the Astros. They lost again! Still love 'em though.

Sophie and Yellow Bird enjoyed the game. Always time for a hug.

Cool thing about Friday night Astros games is that after the game they turn off the lights in the stadium and set off fireworks. You just sit in the stadium and watch them over head. Pretty cool!

Now I'm not sure why a rabbit is the mascot for the Astros but here he is. The kids love him.

Sometimes 2 hats are better than 1

Yellow Bird didn't like wearing her hat when she played. What better place to hold it then on top of mom's head that already had a cap on it.

Softball all the way!

Yellow Bird played softball this year. It was her first year. She has played baseball up until this point. Go girl go! Here she is on base and then running into home.

Go 'Stros

We were able to go the Astros game with Bud's co-workers. We had a great time but alas they lost. They seem to be on a losing streak but oh well. They are still our 'Stros. So...Go 'Stros! On Friday nights they have Friday Night Firworks. It is really cool. You just sit in the stadium and watch the fireworks shoot off. It was a cool ending to the evening.

Sophie

I'm blessed

I'm sure like most of you I get into the poor me phase of life. Let's face it, life isn't fair. Sometimes things just happen and there is no other reason for it than that we live in an evil and fallen world. But, as we were homeschooling today I realized just how blessed I am. I decided to list some of the things that God has blessed me with in this life -- not mentioning the life to come.

!. My beautiful children that I have the privilege of homeschooling.
2. My husband who is not only a wonderful partner in this life but an incredible father to our girls.
3. The way God continually supplies our needs.
4. The abundance of family on both sides that we are able to live near and share our lives with.
5. Dear and steadfast friends.
6. A home -- not just a house.
7. A job that I love.
8. I'm able to go to school -- that may change from a blessing to a burden when classes start back up next week.
9. My health and that of my family.
10. My wonderful and supportive church family we are a part.

I could go on and on but I will leave it at that for now. What are you blessed with? I heard a statistic that if you have $10 to your name you are among some of the wealthiest people in the world. If you have a computer to read this on then you will probably fall into that catagory. Face it! We are blessed beyond measure and have more that we ever deserve.

Count your blessings!

Sophie

My Dad

This is my dad. He recently had his birthday and we all had to celebrate. He is a big, ole bear whose bark is much worse than his bite. We love him.

Sophie

How old am I?

Some of you reading this may think I'm not that old. I'm 40 and not afraid to say so. I feel good for my age and I'm in some of the best shape of my life. Except for those blasted allergies I'm doing pretty good. But, every once in a while something hits me that makes me realize I'm not 20 anymore. For that I'm thankful. I truly don't want to relive those days. But, this morning Yellow Bird and I woke up before Sascha. Nice thing about homeschooling is not having to get up at the crack of dawn and deal with all the morning rush. You moms know what I mean. The clothes, getting breakfast, hair brush, etc while trying to get out of the door to school on time. Yellow Bird wanted me to play a game with her so we sat on the floor to play Herd Your Horses. She loves horses, hence the name she picked. Well, we played for a while and then I went to stand up. I couldn't. My knees were frozen in place, the indian style place I had been for about 30 minutes. It hurt and my legs were asleep and would not unbend. It was at that moment that I realized I'm not 20 anymore. I look at my Granny and Dad and know that joint discomfort is in my future. I guess I need to start taking better care of them now. And I also learned to play games at the table.

Sophie

Made me think

I'm doing a Bible Study right now in my womens' class on the book by Beth Moore called Get Out of That Pit. It has been an amazing book. Well, my darling husband just sent me this Beth Moore story. Her books are full of her stories and she has a way of making them so entertaining. I had never heard this one and thought I would share it. It is long but worth the read but be prepared to have your heart moved. How many times do we miss the hand of God and what he wants us to do? How often are we so wrapped up in our own worlds that we can't see the hurting world around us? Too often for me that is for sure. To be filled with God we must pour ourselves out.

HAIRBRUSH EXPERIENCE OF BETH MOORE AT THE AIRPORTFor those of you who do not know Beth Moore, she is an outstanding Bibleteacher, writer of Bible studies, and is a married mother of two daughters.This is one of her experiences:April 20, 2005, at the Airport in Knoxville, waiting to board the plane, I had the Bible on my lap and was very intent upon what I was doing. I'd had a marvelous morning with the Lord. I say this because I want to tell you it is a scary thing to have the Spirit of God really working in you. You could end up doing some things you never would have done otherwise. Life in the Spirit can be dangerous for a thousand reasons not the least of which is your ego. I tried to keep from staring, but he was such a strange sight. Humped over in a wheelchair, he was skin and bones, dressed in clothes that obviously fit when he was at least twenty pounds heavier. His knees protruded fromhis trousers, and his shoulders looked like the coat hanger was still in his shirt. His hands looked like tangled masses of veins and bones. The strangest part of him was his hair and nails. Stringy, gray hair hung well over his shoulders and down part of his back. His fingernails were long, clean but strangely out of place on an old man. I looked down at my Bible as fast as I could, discomfort burning my face. As I tried to imagine what his story might have been, I found myself wondering if I'd just had a Howard Hughes sighting. Then, I remembered that he was dead. So this man in the airport...an impersonator maybe? Was a camera on us somewhere? There I sat; trying to concentrate on the Word to keep from being concerned about a thin slice of humanity served on a wheelchair only a few seats from me. All the while, my heart was growing more and more overwhelmed with a feeling for him. Let's admit it. Curiosity is a heap more comfortable than true concern, and suddenly I was awash with aching emotion for this bizarre-looking old man. I had walked with God long enough to see the handwriting on the wall. I've learned that when I begin to feel what God feels, something so contrary to my natural feelings, something dramatic is bound to happen. And it may be embarrassing. I immediately began to resist because I could feel God working on my spirit and I started arguing with God in my mind. "Oh, no, God, please, no." I looked up at the ceiling as if I could stare straight through it into heaven and said, "Don't make me witness to this man. Not right here and now. Please. I'll do anything. Put me on the same plane, but don't make me get up here and witness to this man in front of this gawking audience. Please, Lord!"There I sat in the blue vinyl chair begging His Highness, "Please don't make me witness to this man. Not now. I'll do it on the plane." Then I heard it... "I don't want you to witness to him. I want you to brush his hair."The words were so clear, my heart leapt into my throat, and my thoughts spun like a top. Do I witness to the man or brush his hair? No-brainier. I looked straight back up at the ceiling and said, "God, as I live and breathe, I want you to know I am ready to witness to this man. I'm on this Lord. I'm your girl! You've never seen a woman witness to a man faster in your life. What difference does it make if his hair is a mess if he is not redeemed? I am going to witness to this man." Again as clearly as I've ever heard an audible word, God seemed to write this statement across the wall of my mind. "That is not what I said, Beth. I don't want you to witness to him. I want you to go brush his hair."I looked up at God and quipped, "I don't have a hairbrush. It's in my suitcase on the plane. How am I supposed to brush his hair without a hairbrush?" God was so insistent that I almost involuntarily began to walk toward him as these thoughts came to me from God's word: "I will thoroughly furnish you unto all good works." (2 Timothy 3:17) I stumbled over to the wheelchair thinking I could use one myself. Even as I retell this story, my pulse quickens and I feel those same butterflies. I knelt down in front of the man and asked as demurely as possible, "Sir,mayI have the pleasure of brushing your hair?"He looked back at me and said, "What did you say?""May I have the pleasure of brushing your hair?"To which he responded in volume ten, "Little lady, if you expect me to hear you, you're going to have to talk louder than that."At this point, I took a deep breath and blurted out, "SIR, MAY I HAVE THE PLEASURE OF BRUSHING YOUR HAIR?"At which point every eye in the place darted right at me. I was the only thing in the room looking more peculiar than old Mr. Longlocks. Face crimson and forehead breaking out in a sweat, I watched him look up at me with absolute shock on his face, and say, "If you really want to." Are you kidding? Of course I didn't want to. But God didn't seem interested in my personal preference right about then. He pressed on my heart until I could utter the words, "Yes, sir, I would be pleased. But I have one little problem. I don't have a hairbrush." "I have one in my bag, " he responded. I went around to the back of that wheelchair, and I got on my hands and knees and unzipped the stranger's old carry-on, hardly believing what I was doing. I stood up and started brushing the old man's hair. It was perfectly clean, but it was tangled and matted. I don't do many things well, but must admit I've had notable experience untangling knotted hair mothering two little girls. Like I'd done with either Amanda or Melissa in such a condition, I began brushing at the very bottom of the strands,remembering to take my time not to pull. A miraculous thing happened to me as I started brushing that old man'shair. Everybody else in the room disappeared. There was no one alive for those moments except that old man and me. I brushed and I brushed and I brushed until every tangle was out of that hair. I know this sounds so strange, but I've never felt that kind of love for another soul in my entire life. I believe with all my heart, I - for that few minutes -felt a portion of the very love of God. That He had overtaken my heart for a little while like someone renting a room and making Himself at home for a short while.The emotions were so strong and so pure that I knew they had to be God's. His hair was finally as soft and smooth as an infant's. I slipped the brush back in the bag and went around the chair to face him. I got back down on my knees, put my hands on his knees and said, "Sir,do you know my Jesus?" He said, "Yes, I do." Well, that figures, I thought. He explained, "I've known Him since I married my bride. She wouldn't marry me until I got to know the Savior." He said, "You see, the problem is, I haven't seen my bride in months. I've had open-heart surgery, and she's been too ill to come see me. I was sitting here thinking to myself, what a mess I must be for my bride."Only God knows how often He allows us to be part of a divine moment when we're completely unaware of the significance. This, on the other hand, was one of those rare encounters when I knew God had intervened in details only He could have known. It was a God moment, and I'll never forget it. Our time came to board, and we were not on the same plane. I was deeply ashamed of how I'd acted earlier and would have been so proud to have accompanied him on that aircraft.I still had a few minutes, and as I gathered my things to board, the airline hostess returned from the corridor, tears streaming down her cheeks. She said, "That old man's sitting on the plane, sobbing. Why did you do that? What made you do that?" I said, "Do you know Jesus? He can be the bossiest thing!" And we got to share. I learned something about God that day. He knows if you're exhausted, you're hungry, you're serving in the wrong place or it is time to move on but you feel too responsible to budge. He knows if you're hurting or feeling rejected. He knows if you're sick or drowning under a wave of temptation. Or He knows if you just need your hair brushed. He sees you as an individual. Tell Him your need! I got on my own flight, sobs choking my throat, wondering how many opportunities just like that one had I missed along the way. . . all because I didn't want people to think I was strange. God didn't send me to that old man. He sent that old man to me.

John 1:14 "The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We Haveseen his glory, the glory of the One and Only, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth."

Sophie

Maybe I am smart, well smarter than I thought!

Sometimes I wonder if I'm really smart enough to be doing this school thing. It all seems so overwhelming at times. As I mentioned in an earlier post, I'm in school working on my MSN. Well, last week I was inducted into the Sigma Theta Tau Nursing Honor Society. Just thought I would toot my own horn here since this is my blog and all. I also just got the word from my Program Dean that I may be able to graduate in December instead of next April. That would be so wonderful. Keep your fingers crossed but more importantly say a prayer. I'm so ready to be done with all this. Even if I can't finish in December I'm going to be able to take fewer classes so my semesters will not be as heavy with classes. That BS degree in Psychology is finally coming in handy.

Sophie

Intro

It seems the post that I used to introduce us all isn't there. I'm not sure why but it is probably user error since I'm new to this. To protect the innocent or in some cases not so innocent we will be known as Dad-Leopold, Mom-Sophie, eldest daughter-Sascha, youngest daughter-Yellow Bird. Just names we all picked.

Sophie