Years of NICU nursing and my view on birth plans

The best-laid plans of mice and men often go awry.

I do understand how some people are control freaks (I mean concerned with EVERY detail of their lives). I'm laid back and rarely plan much of anything - kind of fly by the seat of your pants attitude. I feel I need to warn you that after 15 years as a NICU nurse birth plans can be a VERY bad idea. It never fails that some poor woman (usually her first baby) has this idea that life can be controlled and proceeds to put down every aspect of her labor and delivery and subsequent care of her baby into a 10 page birth plan. I can appreciate her desire to make sure this moment is as memorable as she desires, but she is asking for trouble. Those 10 page birth plans are almost a sure indication that something will go wrong. It isn't that I desire this for this poor, doe-eyed woman but, as the saying goes "The best-laid plans of mice and men often go awry". If you are having a baby and think you are in control of anything then you have so much to learn. As a mother of 3 I can tell you that your loss of control has only just begun. As a mother you will never be in any semblance of control ever, EVER again. Your children may at times let you think you are in control but I promise you they are only manipulating the situation for their benefit!!!!

What makes me share this point of view is a memory of many years ago. I was the charge nurse and the nurses in the transition nursery (fresh meat newborns go here - I mean newly born babies go here) were at their wits end with a mom who swore we were intentionally keeping her from bonding with her baby by keeping her baby from her. So, as the nurse in charge I made my way over there to see if I could somehow calm down this hormone-induced, crazed mother. When I get to the transition nursery, I see that the baby with the desperate mom is on 100% oxygen (that is as high as it gets folks) and breathing like a freight train. This kid will not be bonding any time soon. I'm fielding calls from this mom every 10 minutes or so trying to reassure her that her baby will bond with her but at this time it is impossible. She tells me that the people at the Le Leche League have told her that if she didn't breastfeed her baby at delivery then she would not bond with her baby. Now, I'm almost 100% certain they NEVER told her this. But, she was about to loose it and the very seasoned nurse caring for the child, who was only months from retirement, didn't have pleasant words for this mom (years of being jaded and she was extremely busy and all). Try as I might I could not calm this woman down. I then had to turn her over to the Attending who also had no luck in reassuring this mom that bonding will take place when the baby is able to breathe effectively. We sat (not literally) on this baby in transition for almost 12 hours (way longer than we normally would) hoping and praying that there was just some fluid in the lungs that needed to clear. We knew that transferring this baby to the NICU would almost certainly insight a riot from this baby's previous place of residence. Of course you can see where this is going. The baby had to go to the NICU and the mother had an absolute meltdown.

The point of all this is just a fair warning. It is fine to make your desires known. That is fair! But, remember to be fair to all of us trying so hard to make this event wonderful for you. There are things that are not only beyond your control but ours as well.

I can most assuredly tell you that this baby would not have been able to bond even if her mother had attempted to breastfeed at delivery (oxygen hunger trumps ANYTHING else). She was just too sick. I sympathize with the mom but life is full of surprises and some aren't good.

Make your desire known to your doctor and hospital staff but please, for your sake, leave the 10 page birth plan at home. You are only asking for something to go wrong. I promise.

Just my opinion and since this is my blog I'm putting it here!